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Sadly, its a tale as old as time scenario which I am sure we have all experienced, witnessed or advised on. You meet a guy who seems perfect, and what is even more perfect is he definitely likes you. Everything is going swimmingly until someone else, in some cases him, drops the bomb that he has a girlfriend. What is even weirder? His flirty behaviour and longing looks don't stop now the jig is up. If anything, they get stronger. Here you find yourself in a weird WTF twilight zone.
I have witnessed so many friends go though this. Nice girls. Who have sat back so many times before and watched a ballsier girl get the guy, or had a ballsier girl in the same situation, steal theirs. After a while of nice girls finishing last, a few have asked me should they just mean up and take him. I mean, he obviously isn't happy, in many cases he may have even told them so. Maybe he just needs a helping hand. You are clearly what he wants and for once in your life its time you won something right? Wrong. He aint no prize honey.
Why? In this situation the ball is entirely in his court. Whilst I understand how he could meet someone else (you) he likes more than his current (shit happens) it is totally not OK to just pine emotionally for someone else (you) for too long without any action to rectify his home situation and move on. Men like this are weak. They do no favours to you, or his current girlfriend.
I mean, who the hell does he think he is? Has he even told his girlfriend that he is having second thoughts in the relationship, giving her a chance or a heads up? Or does he just think he is some kind of irresistible pimp that both you must want? I bet that if his girlfriend knew he wasn't 100% in, she could start winking back at a few men in her life too. But he is not giving her that benefit is he? No, because he likes holding all the cards. You're blind, she's blind, he's a pimp.
Personally, one of the worst things in the world for me is to be with a man who secretly wants someone else but is too chicken to tell me. You having second thoughts bruh? I like to know these things because if you don't want to be here, I don't want to keep you here. This isn't jail, and I am not your parole officer. So many times guys build it up in their head like they are doing their girlfriend a favour by sticking with her when they would rather move on, but in reality that is just boosting their ego.
Anyway back to you. You don't want to get in on this messy BS. Dip you toe in and you will surely drown. He is the one who needs to recognise his feelings and act accordingly. Like a man. He should sort out his relationship first and if it is worth salvaging- do that. If it is dead, he needs to end it- and then come for you. Otherwise he is just weak- someone who gazes at what they want without the courage to go get it. And do you really want a guy like that? Only for you to have him and then in a few years he starts pining for your friends, whilst in his head you are second best? No honey. To someone else you will be first.
My advice, do nothing. Keep being nice (he may be sorting things out in the background) but DO NOT get involved. A relationship takes a lot of unpacking and there is enough to sort out between the two of them without you. You will only become collateral damage if he does sort it out with his girlfriend and if he leaves her due to your advances, you end up with a booby prize- a weak man, who can't act on what he wants.
That's my take on it anyway. Hope it was helpful :)
Any questions? Email me at info@lifebylois.com
Love,
Lois
Life By Lois
