Although loathed the world over, one thing that can be said for Mondays, they offer the opportunity of a fresh start, and a renewed outlook on life.
I came across the following video last night and had to share. It is all about repositioning your outlook on life. As opposed to looking to take, you are looking to give. Give your talents, your time, your love and apply this outlook to every challenge and moment you engage in today.
For example,
on the bus: give a smile: you are giving someone else the opportunity to smile.
at work: give 100%: you are giving your colleagues an opportunity to experience you at your best
with friends and family: give 100% attention: you are giving them the chance to truly connect with you.
The great thing about giving is you receive. It's a fact of life. As you approach the day, not from "what can I take?", rather "what can I give?", the day will open up for you, opportunities will make themselves available to you, and you will attract more giving like minded people.
You were made to give your greatness, and you have it in abundance. Today, share it.
For women particularly simply saying no is something that is laden with guilt. We are taught that feminine role is one that is traditionally accommodating, long suffering and gracious.
From the Virgin Mary to my nana, I have grown up watching & learning about women who were martyrs, putting themselves last, 'yes ladies'. And it has completely affected my life. I am the poster child of a yes woman. Not wanting to let friends down, it is not uncommon for me to drop everything to get on board with anyone who asks. Time has shown me that this is not an ok, sustainable way to live. So I have started to practice saying no- and you know what- it's so liberating.
I know it's so hard to say no. For the most part, it's a habit. It's a tough habit to break, but it's worth breaking.
You see your yes should be precious, not something you simply give away to be polite. When approached with a proposition or a favour, seriously evaluate the benefits and risks, and if you haven't got the time, effort or energy just say no!
How else can you possibly expect to be the boss of your own life if you ignore your better judgement to take up the tasks of others over your own priorities.
This is your life and you are your main priority. Some people will just ask and ask until you have nothing left. It does not make you a bad person to say no. It makes you a conscious person. It's totally ok, look at Rosa Parks- one No can change the world.
This week I challenge you to say no. There is probably a bunch of things you say yes to on a daily basis you don't even notice. At work, with friends- at expense of your priorities. I'm not saying go nuts and be completely obtuse, just be mindful of your yes to no ratio. It doesn't make you a bitch, by saying no you are saying yes to yourself- and isn't it time you did that?
It's Tuesday, and the fortunate of you will still be feeling fresh from the weekend, the other half however will be transfixed on the seemingly endless expanse of weekdays left before Friday. Whichever side of the glass half full camp you belong to, I thought it would be a good idea to share a motivational message I came across by none other than Will Smith.
For me, Will Smith is the picture of success. Not just because he is rich, talented and has a great family, a lot of it is because he is unapologetically himself, and comfortable in his own skin. He seems so sure, and focussed. Many people have good things, but how wonderful it would be to actually love your self and be happy when you get them. So what can we learn from Hollywoods leading man.
Lesson 1. Set your destination"You can have anything you want if you just decide"- Will Smith
What are you running to? Where are you trying to go? Without this being figured out, everything else in life can seem meaningless. Knowing your destination brings purpose to your life, happiness optimism and hope. You are not a piece of driftwood in the sea, you are in command of your own life. I don't care how big or ridiculous what you want is, decide what it is and set your compass in that direction. Do you think it made sense when Christopher Columbus set out to discover the new world? Or Armstrong the moon. Yet there you are in America, and there are men walking on the moon. There is a power to making a decision a destination and visualising the finish line. The universe responds and gets behind your wishes. So in the words of Will Smith "Just decide". Its the hardest part.
Lesson 2. Focus on building the wall brick by brick
Will Smith told a story about how when he was a child his father challenged he and his brother to build a huge wall. Obviously being children, they had never built a wall, and had no idea how to. When they asked their father how they could possibly build this wall, he responded 'brick by brick'. And so although it took forever, Will and his brother focussed on laying every brick perfectly. Instead of focussing on the huge challenge ahead and getting overwhelmed, they instead focussed on what they could control in the now- laying each brick to the best of their ability. It is the same with your life. If you look at where you want to be ultimately and compare it to where you are now it can seem so overwhelming, yet if you focus on doing today as good as you can, staying positive in every minute. Saying no to negativity and yes to hope, before you know it you will be one brick closer to building your dreams.
Lastly, be patient. It will take time but you will get there. Keep going.
How you doing this rainy Monday? In case you need a little more than coffee to give you that fighting kick start this week, I have decided to share 3 of my favourite motivational videos to get you off to a good start this week.
The believe that the key to a positive and successful life is to monitor your emotions and stay in control of your mindset. If you are feeling crappy and down, that's totally ok, but you must catch it, and seek to fix it. When I feel "meh" I have to be so careful, because it doesn't take long for negativity to take a hold and change the course of the day. To steer myself in an upwards direction I find it helps to inject my mind with some positive affirmation, some go getter motivation and all around hearty food for your soul. Today's feel good cooks featuring in my soul kitchen are Will Smith, Eric Thomas, JK Rolling, Oprah and Michelle Obama.
Chin up my lovelies, it's totally ok not to feel perky all the time, but the right words can change your outlook on life and it all gets better from there. Hope these helped, they certainly helped me.
It happens to the best and brightest of us, somewhere between graduation hopes and student loan reality, we settled down into a job that for a lot of us wasn't exactly what we pictured- but hey, it pays the bills.
Now I am not here to beat you up for paying the bills, even if it is in a job miles away from what your passion or dream was. What I am here to beat you up for is neglecting your day dream. There is nothing wrong with having a 9-5 or 5-9 that takes care of basics, the problem comes when the path that helps you survive not live takes over your passion or your dreams.
Your 9-5 survival job should only be just that, for surviving. Do not place it above the time and thought and consideration you owe yourself & what you really want to do. Always keep that dream alive, it may be through a second job, a weekend project or even an online blog (like this one) but make sure you keep one foot in the dream.
Why? Because this is ultimately what will keep you going in the hard times, and motivate you to continue with the daily grind. You see in our society we all have it twisted. We work so that we can survive. We give up our passions to save effort and focus on work. Our dreams then become replaced with material dreams and milestones, which we use to numb the fact that we gave up our true dreams and passions, and between 9-5 don't feel like we are living. We buy things to make us feel like we are living the life, but really all these things do is temporarily fill a make shift hole that can only truly be fulfilled by living our purpose.
Don't get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with owning things, but this was never to be a substitute for owing your life. Do not get the symptoms of success (car, house, money) distract you from the cause of success (happiness, truly doing what you are good at). When you take care of your day dreams, the symptoms of success will follow in abundance AND you will be happy.
You were meant to be brilliant. Whatever your day dream was or is, re-ignite it. Dust it off and work on it. And it will grow. I promise you that. I know at first it will feel like a lot of work to maintain alongside the daily grind, but what you are really doing is keeping yourself alive.
The worst thing in life is the regret of paths not taken. Don't loose your dream building someone else's.
If you are not quite where you want to be in life Sunday night and the Monday commute can be real moments of reckoning. As you prepare to jump back it to your routine it is so easy to get stressed out about your short comings, unfinished projects and all the things that you feel you should be doing, that you are not. The frustration between where you are and where you want to be can be so aggravating, that you actually internalise that nervous energy and start to beat yourself up with stress.
Whilst reflective honest review is good, you also have to be careful that this does not mean that you are beating up the one thing that you rely on to progress (you). Wherever you are in life, give yourself a break- you are trying your best. And if you haven't been trying your best, forgive yourself, and rest in the knowledge that this week you can change it all around.
This Monday I would like you to go easy on yourself. Give your self a pat on the back for all the things you are doing right. Are there things you would like to change? Sure, and we will get to how to set about these later in the week, but for today, give your self some credit. You survived Monday.
Ah that Saturday feeling. It is not hard to stay optimistic on a Saturday, its the first day of the weekend, and no matter what happens, aint no one gonna kill your vibe. It's not that someone wont try today, it is just that somehow on a Saturday we find it easier to elevate our mood away from negativity because Saturday's are our time and our time is precious.
Great motto, but what about the week days? How often do we allow negative people and negative things to own our moods, our dreams and our energy in the week? Too often we just expect to wake up miserable on a weekday because 'hey, its a weekday'. Our mood spirals from the first moments we wake up and we carelessly allow our mood to spiral from there.
We engage in bad news when we read the paper, we bitch about work and our colleges and when something goes wrong, instead of elevate ourselves, we hold on to the negativity and carry it through our day.
But no more. I say start everyday with that Saturday feeling, and protect your happiness through out the day. Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. It is a decision you make every moment, and you need to fight for it and protect it because it is fragile.
Own every day and live it on purpose. Rise above negativity, don't dwell in it. Maintain an aura of good vibes consistently through the week, and your outlook on life, your stress levels and your productivity will improve.
Good vibes or positive energy are so important, as they form the environment in which your growth takes place. Picture a plant, whether or not it grows to its full potential or grows at all is entirely reliant on its environment. You are the same. You will never reach your full potential if you allow your environment to be polluted on a daily basis. Fight for your happiness, every day is your life.
Thank God it is Friday. Of all the days of the week Friday receives the most love. We may be considered a thankless secular nation yet Friday has us thanking God- because on Friday the freedom bells ring. Each week on the 5th day we band together with colleges and friends to celebrate the end of the week as if it is the end of a jail sentence.
If that is exactly what it feels like to you, I want you to ask yourself an honest question- does your living for the weekend equate to you living life JUST on the weekend? Have you signed away the other 5 days of your life in exchange for 2?
We live in a culture where it is totally acceptable to not love what you do. In fact that is putting it mildly, many people openly hate what they do. In society the things we love doing have been assigned the frilly word 'hobby', and should not be taken seriously. Work however, is a 'chore' and 'chores' should not be fun.
When choosing a path in life, many of us navigate on the default assumption that happiness is an illegitimate factor for consideration. Perhaps this is because growing up, throughout religion and in school, we are taught that sacrifice is the holiest of deeds. We are taught that when it comes to work, sacrifice is required, and we all too readily sign away our happiness for 'practical' reasons. At some point in our 20's we killed our childish dreams, stopped stargazing and just kept our heads down.
Well today I am challenging the status quo.
I say it is actually more harmful to society to sacrifice your happiness. As Marianne Williamson says, "Your playing small does not serve the world". Where would we be if The Wright Brothers had not pursued their passion of flight, or Beethoven of music or Einstein of science? Where would we be if Richard Branson had stayed in school?
It is a proven fact, you perform at your greatest potential when you do what you love, and the whole world (including you ) benefits too.When you love what you do you are more creative, more innovative and more successful. The sky really is the limit.
You are an individual and you are unique. It is not OK to be a square peg in a round hole and just keep going on that way. Somewhere there is a square hole just for you.
It is never too late to rethink things, Samuel Jackson only started acting in his 40s.
It is time to love Mondays. It is time to do the world and yourself a favour. It is time to be happy.
Choose a job you love, and never work a day in your life (Confucius)
It's my favourite scene in the movie Bridesmaids when Megan beats lead character Annie, screaming "I am life, I am gonna bite you in the ass, what are you gonna do about it? I am trying to get you to fight for your shitty little life". Annie of course, was in the middle of an epic pity party. Everything had fallen apart, her relationship (nothing makes the sky greyer than love trouble), her job (which she hated anyway, but still), her apartment ( where she lived with weirdo's but at least it was some shred of independence) and now she finds her self stuck at her mothers house jobless, whilst her friends appear to be living epic lives.
How many of us have felt this way? Well fine if the rest of you wont raise your precious little hands, but I know I have. That feeling when the sky is just falling down and you don't have the energy, or even know how to put it back up again. In those moments, its often easier to welcome defeat, put on a cloak of excuses and wait for the world to swallow you up or a miracle to happen. Now wound licking is cool for a few days - heck maybe a week... but it cannot last forever. In Megan's words "I am life, beating the crap out of you". This article is for anyone who has ever lost their footing...How to fight for your shitty little life.
1. Put away any childish expectations that life is straight forward.
Because its not. This is one reason why people feel so shit. When life kicks them in the ass, they are somehow surprised. Well stop that nonsense now. Life is a boxing match, be prepared to fight, be prepared to be knocked down - and be prepared to get back up and win. Once you adjust these expectations, you can stop judging, condemning & guilt tripping yourself for experiencing one of the most common events in life: set backs. Now the reason I put those emotions in italics just there is because they are useless feelings to snap out of. They end up in self pity. You have suffered a set back? So what. So have lots of people. This is life, and beating yourself up is not going to solve anything. In fact, now is the time to get up and start learning from your mistakes. Like a boxer- it is time to retrain for the next show down.
2. Put on your blinkers
So I have started on this boxing analogy, and what the heck- I like it so I will continue. So there you are. Just suffered a defeating match, and you are retraining to win. First of all- congratulations for getting back up. Now you are up there is one thing you cannot afford to do and that is pay attention, mind and energy to your competition. No, you are not fighting their fight, you are fighting your fight. You have to work on YOU. So pay no mind to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all the accounts of everyone who appears to be doing better than you. You need to focus, this is strategy time.
3. Strategy Time.
So now that you are in strategy mode, take an honest, non judgemental look at what went wrong last time. Now in the Bridesmaid film, she lost her job. But she hated her job anyway. Chances were that if she had not of got fired she would have left. Important life note: There is no point getting up if you are going to remake the same mistakes. Learn from them. In the film, the reason why she worked at that job she hated was because she tried her passion (it was having her own bakery) and it hadn't worked out. As a result she was stuck in a rut due to fear of failure. Now let me tell you something for free, fear of failure is the kryptonite of success. Like I said in the boxing analogy- expect to fail until you win. Stop letting it be a surprise. Once it is no longer a surprise it is no longer something that can frighten you. Admit what your dream is and start to strategise towards it. I don't care how small or big the steps to getting what you truly want out of life are. Just plan, draw the path to your dream and execute. Picture the glory end goal that dream is your motivation.
4. Winning Mentality
I have said this in previous post but I will say it again. You can have anything you want in life if you only have the courage to admit to yourself what it is. I don't care how crazy amazing it is. Admit it, and visualise it. Let this form your winners mindset. You have a goal and expect to win. So, every step you take on your planned path to your dream, take that step like a winner. Jump right in.
I was watching a video by motivational speaker Eric Thomas (click link to watch) and he was saying , I am paraphrasing" you deserve to see what your life is like if you put in 120%...All this time you have been putting in 70%, 80% and you have been seeing - 70%, 80% rewards. It is time for you to experience the benefits of life at 120%. Now there is a reason that I asked you to admit what you really want and set an end goal. And that is because, you can only put in 120% consistently if you know you are doing it for YOU. It is important that you have what you will get out of this in mind as it will keep you going through the hard times.
5. Ignore Nay sayers & stick to the plan.
Back to the boxer analogy. So you are back in the gym, back on the training plan. Eating like a pro. Now a lot of your friends will not be doing life the same way as you, a few people may have some things to say about what your doing, ignore them. They are on a different plan. Here is another rule. If you want extraordinary rewards, expect an extraordinary path. Your path wont be like theirs because your goal isn't the same. Your goal is yours. I would actually go as far to say keep your plan to yourself, and share it only with other like minded and truly supportive people. It is precious, like a small plant it needs positive energy to grow. Do not doubt your path because its off course compared to others. For example, say your dream was to become an athlete. That does not pay out initially. So you may have to get a part time job to fund your dream. Whilst your other friends are in 9-5's you may feel like a looser, because on paper it looks like you haven't got things together. I say ignore the paper. This is why you need to stay focussed. The only person who needs to believe in the plan is you. Do not get trapped by labels. Do not give up your dream so you can rattle off some semi impressive job title- that you know others would love but you personally will hate. Live for you, answer to yourself... You only get one life.
I hope this post has helped someone who has felt like giving up, or has ever doubted their dream. Writing this has even helped me. In closing let me say this: never forget that life is a match. A violent match. Expect setbacks, but also expect the glory. And when you reach your goal, you may have to defend your title. So always keep in peak condition, and always keep improving. It is not over till its over. Never stop investing in you.
You can do it. Happy Monday.
Life by Lois
x
And here it is the scene that started this, enjoy!
