Lessons On Living Shamelessly

Ever wondered what life would be like if you were shameless? Not pointlessly shameless like Kardashians butt pick, but you were decidedly and unapologetically who you wanted to be with no apologies.

Too often, embarrassment, fear of rejection and the wounds of past failures pain hinder us taking the most of an opportunity and living in the now. Yet if we look back at it, more often than not it is not the actual incident that was so bad, it was the emotional pain, chastisement and fear that we attributed to ourselves.

The gift of hindsight truly is a wonderful thing, yet the downsides of death bead revelations, is that it is all too late. To that, I am going to attempt to save you some time with a quote.

"Everything you want lies the other side of your fear". Shame is a useless emotion, the only person you should worry about letting down is you. And the only thing truly hard to forgive yourself for is not the risks you took that didn't pay off, rather it's the risks you didn't take that could of.

So today, I say feel the fear and go for it. The only person you will truly let down if you don't is yourself.

Learn to Say No

For women particularly simply saying no is something that is laden with guilt. We are taught that feminine role is one that is traditionally accommodating, long suffering and gracious.

From the Virgin Mary to my nana, I have grown up watching & learning about women who were martyrs, putting themselves last, 'yes ladies'. And it has completely affected my life. I am the poster child of a yes woman. Not wanting to let friends down, it is not uncommon for me to drop everything to get on board with anyone who asks. Time has shown me that this is not an ok, sustainable way to live. So I have started to practice saying no- and you know what- it's so liberating. 

I know it's so hard to say no. For the most part, it's a habit. It's a tough habit to break, but it's worth breaking. 

You see your yes should be precious, not something you simply give away to be polite. When approached with a proposition or a favour, seriously evaluate the benefits and risks, and if you haven't got the time, effort or energy just say no! 

How else can you possibly expect to be the boss of your own life if you ignore your better judgement to take up the tasks of others over your own priorities. 

This is your life and you are your main priority. Some people will just ask and ask until you have nothing left. It does not make you a bad person to say no. It makes you a conscious person. It's totally ok, look at Rosa Parks- one No can change the world. 

 This week I challenge you to say no. There is probably a bunch of things you say yes to on a daily basis you don't even notice. At work, with friends- at expense of your priorities. I'm not saying go nuts and be completely obtuse, just be mindful of your yes to no ratio. It doesn't make you a bitch, by saying no you are saying yes to yourself- and isn't it time you did that? 

Happy Sunday!

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Top 3 Monday Motivation Video's

How you doing this rainy Monday?  In case you need a little more than coffee to give you that fighting kick start this week, I have decided to share 3 of my favourite motivational videos to get you off to a good start this week.

The believe that the key to a positive and successful life is to monitor your emotions and stay in control of your mindset. If you are feeling crappy and down, that's totally ok, but you must catch it, and seek to fix it. When I feel "meh" I have to be so careful, because it doesn't take long for negativity to take a hold and change the course of the day. To steer myself in an upwards direction I find it helps to inject my mind with some positive affirmation, some go getter motivation and all around hearty food for your soul.  Today's feel good cooks featuring in my soul kitchen are Will Smith, Eric Thomas, JK Rolling, Oprah and Michelle Obama.

Chin up my lovelies, it's totally ok not to feel perky all the time, but the right words can change your outlook on life and it all gets better from there. Hope these helped, they certainly helped me.

Love, 

Life by Lois

1. Inspiration for Women

2. Dream

3. Will Smith Life Motivation 

The Bank of You: How to build inner confidence.

So how does one get as confident as hair flipping Beyonce, or as powerful as billionaire Oprah or as strong as Jennifer Anniston? (Who I think is one of the most commendable and classy women on the planet, who despite how the media tears into her, still keeps her head high).

How does one manage to build that unshakable confidence? Well for one, confidence is never unshakable, there will always come moments that have you questioning yourself- the difference with these people (and now with you) is that they will not last long- because they have a system and a mindset for managing their internal well being.

All the powerful women I admire Beyonce, Oprah and Victoria Beckham (yes, her, she went from a one of the spice girls and a footballers wife to an independent business powerhouse, recognised in her own right), all these woman have one thing in common- they see themselves as bigger than just a person- they treat themselves like a corporation.

The way our society is set up is that people are the little men and corporations call the shots. The banks and even the company you work for, has their contracts and agreements sewn up with you so that they are on the winning side. My point is it is time for individuals to start thinking the same.

This is where I introduce my concept of a bank. The Bank Of YOU.

Picture your self as a bank. Banks operate in their own interest. Here is how it works.

Basic principals:

Your Balance or capital:

Your balance is the most important thing and is made up of your time, energy and good feelings.
Any time you invest any of the above in someone else, you are investing for a return, of either time energy or good feelings.

Deposits:

Deposits are something anyone, including you can make. If you meet someone and they invest in you constantly, it may be worth opening an account with that person, where you too invest in them, under the understanding of mutual gain.

As banks invest their capital for their own benefit, so should you

Spend some time and energy investing in yourself, to generate good feelings. Feelings of confidence, feelings of self worth- which can be built up via meditation, time alone or gaining further skills. This will build up your balance further, and make you better prepared for rainy days. If you do not invest in yourself, ultimately your bank will not be viable.

Managing relationships.

Withdrawals: Withdrawals are things that people in your life may do, within the privilege of having a relationship with you. A withdrawal is any thing that consumes your time, energy or good feelings. You allow your friends to make these withdrawals, under the condition that they invest the same or more overall. For example, you may let your friend tell you all about their problems, and you may invest your energy in helping. However if it comes to the point where they withdraw far more than they have ever invested, the relationship makes no business sense and it is time to close their account. This is how you monitor your balance and ensure you do not crash. You cannot have emotional free-loaders.

Your friendships and relationships should work like a savings account, in which you invest a certain amount or your time, energy and good feelings over a length of time, and the friend or partner invests theirs. If someone is just gathering interest, and always withdrawing you need to move on from them.

Looking after the pennies

Far to often we hold on to the experiences that are negative on our emotional bank balance (being hurt or making mistakes) and we do not hold on to the good things that can boost our balance. They may just be little things, like someone saying your beautiful, talented funny or doing extra well at work one day, but they matter. And you need to be sure that you invest these good things to increase your balance and refer to whenever you are in self doubt.

Monitoring your balance

If you are particularly low in time, energy or good feelings- then do not invest them in others. Take time to rebuild your balance, so that you do not find yourself emotionally bankrupt. Keep your cup full so that negative things just slide off you, or so that you are emotionally prepared to deal with anything at all times.

Why is this principal so important?

The bank principal, enables you to keep in control of your emotional wellbeing, and ultimately builds confidence. It also helps you to keep a tab on who in your life is taking but not giving. This means that you will not be taken for granted as much, and find yourself emotionally bankrupt when you need to strong. By using this method of reasoning you will always ensure you have a minimum balance of what you need to continue. So as life happens you can always be ready. No one can take you down. You have invested in the bank of you.

One does not become confident by accident. It is a choice and it starts with conscientiously managing your relationships, your time and your energy. It is time to be the boss of your own life and steer your future to more happiness, fulfilment and inner peace.

You can do it! If you have any questions you would like me to answer, then please email me. info@lifebylois.com

Life By Lois

#TBT: Revive your inner child

I used to find all the talk of following dreams a little bit frustrating, chiefly because whilst others seemed to immediately know exactly what they wanted to be, for me it was not always so clear. I suppose a gap year would have been useful to ‘figure things out’ or ‘find myself’ but unfortunately life needed immediate attending to, and so I shelved self discovery in favour of self survival.

It was not until recently that I decided to take a retrospective look inward. I realised that in order to go forward I needed to travel back and consult someone that I had hushed, silenced and abused... my inner child. 

The voice of my inner child was weak, but it was still there. It was her who had always known what I wanted and what kind of person I should be, but very early on I had silenced her voice. Every time I embraced reality and neglected my hopes, or accepted other peoples negativity as truth over my own, I had hushed that voice that could ultimately free me.

I recently read this story and it inspired me. Meet Cory Neives, the 10 year old CEO of Mr Cory's Cookies, a business he initially started to help fund his mum buy a car, and now is very successful. How amazing is that? Forget the odds, this kid gets it. I am so glad he got to stretch his dreams before the world told him they weren't practical.

Your inner child is so important, because it is you before the worlds reality kicked in (and the worlds reality is BS). It is you at your most optimistic, your bravest and your most creative. Ask children who they want to be now, and then ask them in 20 years who they are and for the majority of them it wont match up. Usually this is not because what they wanted has changed, rather it is because they took an easier path, gave up or gave in to circumstances. Yet if Oprah can go from dirt poor, black and born in the wrong era to be a woman, to a billionaire major influencer, anything is possible. Reality has it’s place, but so does dreaming. It is all about persistence.

If you have neglected your inner child, it is time to apologise to yourself and slowly embark on the road to self restoration. Life is all a matrix, in order to learn how to manipulate its structure, you must first understand your own.

Like I said before, you can have what ever you want if you can only find the strength to admit it to yourself. Give the kid inside a microphone.

Don't quit your day dream

It happens to the best and brightest of us, somewhere between graduation hopes and student loan reality, we settled down into a job that for a lot of us wasn't exactly what we pictured- but hey, it pays the bills.

Now I am not here to beat you up for paying the bills, even if it is in a job miles away from what your passion or dream was. What I am here to beat you up for is neglecting your day dream. There is nothing wrong with having a 9-5 or 5-9 that takes care of basics, the problem comes when the path that helps you survive not live  takes over your passion or your dreams.

Your 9-5 survival job should only be just that, for surviving. Do not place it above the time and thought and consideration you owe yourself & what you really want to do. Always keep that dream alive, it may be through a second job, a weekend project or even an online blog (like this one) but make sure you keep one foot in the dream.

Why? Because this is ultimately what will keep you going in the hard times, and motivate you to continue with the daily grind. You see in our society we all have it twisted.

We work so that we can survive. We give up our passions to save effort and focus on work. Our dreams then become replaced with material dreams and milestones, which we use to numb the fact that we gave up our true dreams and passions, and between 9-5 don't feel like we are living.  We buy things to make us feel like we are living the life, but really all these things do is temporarily fill a make shift hole that can only truly be fulfilled by living our purpose.

Don't get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with owning things, but this was never to be a substitute for owing your life. Do not get the symptoms of success (car, house, money) distract you from the cause of success (happiness, truly doing what you are good at). When you take care of your day dreams, the symptoms of success will follow in abundance AND you will be happy.

You were meant to be brilliant. Whatever your day dream was or is, re-ignite it. Dust it off and work on it. And it will grow. I promise you that. I know at first it will feel like a lot of work to maintain alongside the daily grind, but what you are really doing is keeping yourself alive.

The worst thing in life is the regret of paths not taken. Don't loose your dream building someone else's.

Monday Survival: Stop Judging Yourself.

If you are not quite where you want to be in life Sunday night and the Monday commute can be real moments of reckoning. As you prepare to jump back it to your routine it is so easy to get stressed out about your short comings, unfinished projects and all the things that you feel you should be doing, that you are not. The frustration between where you are and where you want to be can be so aggravating, that you actually internalise that nervous energy and start to beat yourself up with stress.

Whilst reflective honest review is good, you also have to be careful that this does not mean that you are beating up the one thing that you rely on to progress (you). Wherever you are in life, give yourself a break- you are trying your best. And if you haven't been trying your best, forgive yourself, and rest in the knowledge that this week you can change it all around.

This Monday I would like you to go easy on yourself. Give your self a pat on the back for all the things you are doing right. Are there things you would like to change? Sure, and we will get to how to set about these later in the week, but for today, give your self some credit. You survived Monday.

You awesome fighter you.

Life by Lois.

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