The Bank of You: How to build inner confidence.

So how does one get as confident as hair flipping Beyonce, or as powerful as billionaire Oprah or as strong as Jennifer Anniston? (Who I think is one of the most commendable and classy women on the planet, who despite how the media tears into her, still keeps her head high).

How does one manage to build that unshakable confidence? Well for one, confidence is never unshakable, there will always come moments that have you questioning yourself- the difference with these people (and now with you) is that they will not last long- because they have a system and a mindset for managing their internal well being.

All the powerful women I admire Beyonce, Oprah and Victoria Beckham (yes, her, she went from a one of the spice girls and a footballers wife to an independent business powerhouse, recognised in her own right), all these woman have one thing in common- they see themselves as bigger than just a person- they treat themselves like a corporation.

The way our society is set up is that people are the little men and corporations call the shots. The banks and even the company you work for, has their contracts and agreements sewn up with you so that they are on the winning side. My point is it is time for individuals to start thinking the same.

This is where I introduce my concept of a bank. The Bank Of YOU.

Picture your self as a bank. Banks operate in their own interest. Here is how it works.

Basic principals:

Your Balance or capital:

Your balance is the most important thing and is made up of your time, energy and good feelings.
Any time you invest any of the above in someone else, you are investing for a return, of either time energy or good feelings.

Deposits:

Deposits are something anyone, including you can make. If you meet someone and they invest in you constantly, it may be worth opening an account with that person, where you too invest in them, under the understanding of mutual gain.

As banks invest their capital for their own benefit, so should you

Spend some time and energy investing in yourself, to generate good feelings. Feelings of confidence, feelings of self worth- which can be built up via meditation, time alone or gaining further skills. This will build up your balance further, and make you better prepared for rainy days. If you do not invest in yourself, ultimately your bank will not be viable.

Managing relationships.

Withdrawals: Withdrawals are things that people in your life may do, within the privilege of having a relationship with you. A withdrawal is any thing that consumes your time, energy or good feelings. You allow your friends to make these withdrawals, under the condition that they invest the same or more overall. For example, you may let your friend tell you all about their problems, and you may invest your energy in helping. However if it comes to the point where they withdraw far more than they have ever invested, the relationship makes no business sense and it is time to close their account. This is how you monitor your balance and ensure you do not crash. You cannot have emotional free-loaders.

Your friendships and relationships should work like a savings account, in which you invest a certain amount or your time, energy and good feelings over a length of time, and the friend or partner invests theirs. If someone is just gathering interest, and always withdrawing you need to move on from them.

Looking after the pennies

Far to often we hold on to the experiences that are negative on our emotional bank balance (being hurt or making mistakes) and we do not hold on to the good things that can boost our balance. They may just be little things, like someone saying your beautiful, talented funny or doing extra well at work one day, but they matter. And you need to be sure that you invest these good things to increase your balance and refer to whenever you are in self doubt.

Monitoring your balance

If you are particularly low in time, energy or good feelings- then do not invest them in others. Take time to rebuild your balance, so that you do not find yourself emotionally bankrupt. Keep your cup full so that negative things just slide off you, or so that you are emotionally prepared to deal with anything at all times.

Why is this principal so important?

The bank principal, enables you to keep in control of your emotional wellbeing, and ultimately builds confidence. It also helps you to keep a tab on who in your life is taking but not giving. This means that you will not be taken for granted as much, and find yourself emotionally bankrupt when you need to strong. By using this method of reasoning you will always ensure you have a minimum balance of what you need to continue. So as life happens you can always be ready. No one can take you down. You have invested in the bank of you.

One does not become confident by accident. It is a choice and it starts with conscientiously managing your relationships, your time and your energy. It is time to be the boss of your own life and steer your future to more happiness, fulfilment and inner peace.

You can do it! If you have any questions you would like me to answer, then please email me. info@lifebylois.com

Life By Lois

Oscar De La Renta Dies at 82, A look at his incredible life

Oprah with Oscar De La Renta Image Via Vogue.

For several decades, Oscar De La Renta has been a hallmark of fashion. His beautiful designs have graced the backs of Oprah, Beyonce, Michelle Obama and most recently, George Clooney's bride, Amal Alamuddin.

We know Oscar as the talented designer who has made fashion history, but how did a boy from Dominica manage to become the designer to first ladies?

Born in Dominica in 1932, at the age of 18, he moved to Spain to follow his passion for art and commenced studies in painting. This ignited an interest in fashion and led to Oscar work along side Spanish Designer Christobal Balenciaga in an apprenticeship. This Spanish influence of romance and ruffles is one that remained with Oscar De La Renta throughout his fashion career.

Jackie Kennedy in Oscar De La Renta.

It was in the 60's, when Oscar earned his fame.  First Lady Jackie Kennedy solidified him as a designer to the elite, developing a love for his designs and wearing them regularly.

Dresser of the first it girl from Jackie Kennedy it was all a go and he went on to design for Laura Bush, Michelle Obama & Hilary Clinton as well as countless stars. His work was iconic, effortlessly feminine and fundamentally beautiful. In 2014 he was awarded the Medal of Excellence at Carnegie Hall in New York.

The cause of death has not been officially verified, but we do know that Oscar who was diagnosed with cancer, died peacefully at his home in Connecticut surrounded by his family & pets.

Fashion will certainly miss this genius but if one thing is a comfort, the world is a more beautiful richer place, thanks to one boy from Dominica following his passion.

George Clooney's wife, Amal Alamuddin and Oscar De La Renta

Amy Adams in a ruffled Oscar De La Renta Gown.

Beyonce in Oscar De La Renta for Vogue.

To see the Vogue Archive of memorable Oscar De La Renta moments and iconic pictures, see this link here.Vogue Oscar De La Renta Gallery

Blake Lively, Kelly Rowland, Coca Rocha, Celebrity Mums : Work life Balance

So it is officially baby season. When news broke yesterday that Blake Lively is expecting her first child with Ryan Reynolds, followed by Coca Rocha expecting and then Kelly's baby bump pics it got me thinking about the work life balance so many women have to strike up between family and careers.



Beyonce of course is a prime example of a relentless career powerhouse and mother. Whilst many women take a step back when they hit motherhood, she if anything stepped it up. Of course celebrity women have access to full time help, but they also deal with the demands of an international schedule in multiple timezones, as well as having their personal and professional life after scrutiny. It is a balance and a challenge that all mothers, celebrity or not must face.

Work life balance is so important . In this faced paced life, personal and family needs often get over looked for the greater career good.

I remember in 2006 when then, 32 year old designer of Chloe, chose to swap her fashion life to focus on the family. Of course, many were shocked by her decision, and many more asked "why on earth would some one quit when the going was so good?". I suppose these were valid questions, after all she had the life that thousands of designers (including her at one point earlier in her career no doubt) would envy.

Whilst many said she 'quit' I preferred to put a positive spin on it, and say she chose to fight for her own life. Yes, her career was at an amazing (maybe once in a lifetime high) but so was her family. She will never be able to get these years back with her children, and I have to say respected her decision.

It is common to focus so much on what we want to do in our careers that we fail to consider who we want to be in our lives. When building that picture of the ideal job and the material trappings that come along with it, we often, fail to visualise the things that actually impact on our happiness, such as family and relationship ties.

Rather these take a back seat, and I say wrongly so. On your death bed it is not the promotions you didn't take that will haunt you, rather the relationships you didn't nurture.

Now I am not suggesting that we all quit to be full time family members, but I am suggesting that when building that perfect life, we calve out space for the things that matter before it becomes an overwhelming either or. A modern woman and a feminist, I certainly believe women can have both, and so I wish Blake,  Beyonce, and Kelly  Roland, Phoebe and of course any mothers out there reading this, all the best in finding that perfect balance. And if you decide to take a break, don't feel guilty- just do what feels right for your life. No regrets.

And on that note, enjoy Kelly's new beautiful pregnancy pics.