6 things to stop apologising for. Now.

If you are anything like me, you fall into an apology before you have even noticed one stumbling out your mouth. Whilst I am a big fan of apologies when they are genuinely due, if you over apologise for things- it just makes you look weak, and the other person assume it is OK to treat you that way. So for all of you self deprecating sweet hearts, here are 6 times its totally ok to not be sorry.

1. Feeling like you are not in the right place despite it looking like a great path to others.

This one applies to work and relationships, and stems from caring what others think, to your detriment. If you find yourself in a relationship that just doesn't feel right for no other reason other than you know its not for you- or a job which would be perfect for millions of other people but it just doesn't feel right to you- stop apologising, and devaluing your feelings. I read a great quote off of an Instagram picture yesterday, it said " Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back". This is so true for so many people and is the main reason we apologise and look to others to validate our core feelings about life. But I say stop that right now. You are an individual and whilst taking girlfriends to the loo together for moral support is a childhood habit many of us still practice, needing to validate our core feelings past every friend, and then disregarding them if no one agrees needs to stop. Take your feelings seriously, it is your life.

2. Wanting your space.

This one is a common one. Your friends or even your partner wants to hang out and you just want your space, but you feel awful for it. Well I say don't. In this life what I am realising increasingly is that the only thing that can keep you going, is the strength you build up from within. So invest in yourself. Invest in thinking positively, being alone and getting to know yourself. Alone time and wanting your space is not anti social it is actually pro social because you can only be the best friend, girlfriend, sister, brother, boyfriend, husband or wife if you are the best you.  So take that time. And stop apologising.

3. Out growing people.

This is a toughie. You have a set of friends or a certain friend that you have known for a while, and as the time moves on you realise that you have outgrown them. It is awkward because you may feel bad but the more you hang out the things that used to seem ok to you just aren't anymore. Well in my opinion this is perfectly natural, we are all on a different path and it is inevitable that you will out grow some people- in fact it's healthy! Instead of trying to change them accept things have changed and move on before things get ugly. 

4. Not putting up with others mess.

Since we were kids we were told to be long suffering, that patience was a virtue. One look at your mother or grandmother probably reminds you of a lifetime of prayer & disappointment that putting up with others mess will bring. Now I come from the new school of life. That is you only get one life (that you know of) so stop martyring your self for others. Stop putting up with those who put you down, walk all over you and take but never give. Stop putting up with those who embarrass you in public. Some people will treat you badly, and then somehow get mad at you for calling it out. I say stop apologising and tell it like it is. Oh and if this is a reoccurring event, refer to point 3, you have out grown them.

5. Feeling demotivated.

Why should you not apologise for this one? Because it happens that's why. Rather than constantly apologise, I say look at the root of what is causing your demotivation. Is it energy related? If so go to the docs and check your hormone & vitamin levels. If it is work related- take a look at why you feel that way. Is this really what you want to do? It is never too late to reevaluate your life.

6. Not having it all figured out.

It is ok not to have an answer for everything in life, be it religion, work, relationships. Life is a journey and if you keep positive and open to it, you can make some wonderful discoveries. The most important thing is that you stay honest about what you like and what you don't like, without fear- as these are the indicators to what will make you happy in life. For example, if you feel you should marry for love & money is not your main priority in life - don't settle for a rich man you don't love because others feel you should. Take your own priorities seriously and let them guide you to the right thing in life. Remember - you can have anything you want in life, if you only have the courage to admit it to yourself. So take time getting to know yourself, and admit what YOU want and need without fear. Then go get it. And don't worry if you don't have it all figured out on paper to show others. True growth happens from within and just because it is not yet externally visible does not mean it doesn't count.

The New Year Escape Plan... A different kind of resolution

One good thing about a recession is that it gets people thinking.  The sea of uncertainty separates the rodents who can jump, from those who prefer to go round in a wheel. A recession builds as much as it breaks, demanding initiative and independent determination from the individual who sees opportunity.

Unfortunately such an individual may go unprovoked for the majority of the year, distracted by the monotony of the yearly cycle, justified by the supposed worthiness of their contribution to the wheel of society. Yes, they silence that nagging voice that urges there could be more by plodding away in the system, allowing the years materialistic and artificial milestones to allow the illusion of progress. Yet ever so often something wonderful happens, circumstances align to awaken the individual to hope...a hope for more. And I mean a real more, not a more as in more things, more money, more clothes. More as in make more of a difference, more as in more happiness, more as in more success. This awakening is perhaps never more widespread as The New Year.

The New Year is an opportunity to pause and review, to look back at what one has been doing and evaluate if it is working. Typical New Years Resolution’s tend to favor a todo list of self improvements such as loosing weight or being nicer. Such resolutions are fine for the person who is more or less happy with their position on the rat wheel of society. However I would argue that for those individuals who know in their heart there is more, such resolutions are a cheap temporary filler for a permanent gaping hole.

Let me break it down some more, if you hate your job, if you are under appreciated and under paid, if you have a dream or a vision for contributing more to the world, if you have a business idea- if you have any of these, and your New Years Resolution is along the lines of ‘be nicer to Sally’ or ‘drop 10 lb’s’  you’re selling your self short.

Let your resolution be to sort your life out. I know thats daunting. I know thats a lot. I know that it is certainly more of a challenge then a neatly packaged pre suggested generic resolution, but it is what actually needs resolving. Each time you sit in that job you hate, with no plan of escape, or put off your traveling or charity work, or shelf your big idea you are abusing your spirit. Now let me be clear, I am not saying quit, sell up thy things and follow my teachings. I am simply saying make the resolution to water the seed of potential in you.

What does that look like you ask? Picture your mind is in a prison (thats right, I am getting all Matrix on your ass). When you first got into this prison, you had dreams of escape, dreams of more than the existence thrust upon you, but as time moved on reality took over the dream, and like a broken horse, you accustomed yourself to your surroundings and accepted your lot.  I am trying to help you escape.

The first step of escape is to realize that one is trapped. I think we have established that. The second step to escape is to visualize life on the other side, feed your dreams and acknowledge their realness. The third step is to plan escape, and the forth is to actually escape.

This year put into place a plan to get closer to your dream. That may take the form of sacrificing your ‘free time’ to research, plan and build. That may sound like a bummer but let me say this- it’s not free time until you are actually free, and doing what you were born to do.  

So, if you feel that New Year Itch, scratch it. Work hard, Act fast. Set goals and work towards them now. January is like a rapidly closing window of awakening. If you don’t establish a plan now, pretty soon the monotony of the wheel will have entrapped you into its superficial routine. Time is precious, and so are you. If you know you are not living to your full potential, resolve to rectify this in 2014. I know times are tough and uncertain and blah blah blah- but these are the times you were dealt. And news flash the world has never been easy. You owe it to yourself. Escape.