The New Year Escape Plan: A Different Kind of Resolution

One good thing about a recession is that it gets people thinking.  The sea of uncertainty separates the rodents who can jump, from those who prefer to go round in a wheel. A recession builds as much as it breaks, demanding initiative and independent determination from the individual who sees opportunity.

Unfortunately such an individual may go unprovoked for the majority of the year, distracted by the monotony of the yearly cycle, justified by the supposed worthiness of their contribution to the wheel of society. Yes, they silence that nagging voice that urges there could be more by plodding away in the system, allowing the years materialistic and artificial milestones to allow the illusion of progress. Yet ever so often something wonderful happens, circumstances align to awaken the individual to hope...a hope for more. And I mean a real more, not a more as in more things, more money, more clothes. More as in make more of a difference, more as in more happiness, more as in more success. This awakening is perhaps never more widespread as The New Year.

The New Year is an opportunity to pause and review, to look back at what one has been doing and evaluate if it is working. Typical New Years Resolution’s tend to favour a todo list of self improvements such as loosing weight or being nicer. Such resolutions are fine for the person who is more or less happy with their position on the rat wheel of society. However I would argue that for those individuals who know in their heart there is more, such resolutions are a cheap temporary filler for a permanent gaping hole.

Let me break it down some more, if you hate your job, if you are under appreciated and under paid, if you have a dream or a vision for contributing more to the world, if you have a business idea- if you have any of these, and your New Years Resolution is along the lines of ‘be nicer to Sally’ or ‘drop 10 pounds’  you’re selling your self short.

Let your resolution be to sort your life out. I know thats daunting. I know thats a lot. I know that it is certainly more of a challenge then a neatly packaged pre suggested generic resolution, but it is what actually needs resolving. Each time you sit in that job you hate, with no plan of escape, or put off your traveling or charity work, or shelf your big idea you are abusing your spirit. Now let me be clear, I am not saying quit, sell up thy things and follow my teachings. I am simply saying make the resolution to water the seed of potential in you.

What does that look like you ask? Picture your mind is in a prison. When you first got into this prison, you had dreams of escape, dreams of more than the existence thrust upon you, but as time moved on reality took over the dream, and like a broken horse, you accustomed yourself to your surroundings and accepted your lot.  I am trying to help you escape.

The first step of escape is to realise that one is trapped. I think we have established that. The second step to escape is to visualise life on the other side, feed your dreams and acknowledge their realness. The third step is to plan escape, and the forth is to actually escape.

This year put into place a plan to get closer to your dream. That may take the form of sacrificing your ‘free time’ to research, plan and build. That may sound like a bummer but let me say this- it’s not free time until you are actually free, and doing what you were born to do.  

So, if you feel that New Year Itch, scratch it. Work hard, Act fast. Set goals and work towards them now. January is like a rapidly closing window of awakening. If you don’t establish a plan now, pretty soon the monotony of the wheel will have entrapped you into its superficial routine. Time is precious, and so are you. If you know you are not living to your full potential, resolve to rectify this in 2016 . I know times are tough and uncertain and blah blah blah- but these are the times you were dealt. And news flash the world has never been easy. You owe it to yourself. Escape.

This article was originally written and posted by me on 06 Jan 2014. To see original post click here

The secret to being happy in 2016

This New Year's Day  I find myself on the Beach in Barbados, allowing the sound of the soft waves gently sooth my mind, each wave allowing for some much needed mental repair. Every Londoner knows that by the time January rolls around even with the rejuvenation of the holidays - London has a way of ruthlessly transforming the positive new resolute you to the familiar grouchy city dweller, no doubt shoving tourists our the way by mid Jan.

Luckily for me, angry Londoner Lois is on pause and my holiday tranquility has been extended, here in paradise. 

Barbados is a beautiful country vibrant people. Although the population isn't rich, they are extremely content. This is initially an odd thing for the hustling Londoner that I am to understand. Initially I suspected it's due to living in paradise- after all , if i lived here- I would be happy too... Right?! However one encounter had me questioning that. I soon realised that happiness isn't where you are but who you are.  

His name was Andrew, around 6 ft, rich cocoa completion, with a white peppered beard and  slim build he called to us as we were walking by and then we sat to chat- buying him a beer in exchange for some good conversation, we learned that he made and sold his own jewellery, had 3 adult daughters and had lived in Barbados his whole life- never leaving the island, about this he said, I live in paradise. For me, this is it, why would I ever leave? I meet the worlds most interesting people here, I have the sun, the sea, my family  it is all I need." His list of what made him happy was so short- so simple. It was a list that many of us already have. Many Americans live in idyllic beach side paradise too, yet seen to remain defiantly unhappy and the furthest thing from content. Considering this I deducted that the key to this mans happiness is that he had learned the art of being grateful for the basics of what he had. His gratitude was not contingent on things he wanted more than what he had, and so neither was his happiness. If you put your gratitude on hold until you have more, you are actually putting your happiness and life on hold. 

To unlock the happiness in your life look closely at the simple things you already have and often overlook- like family, friends, Shelter - then take time every morning this year to be truly grateful.

Write out what they are , recite why you are grateful for them. Before you know it happiness won't be an 8 hour flight away- it will be with you always. 

Happy New Year X I hope this keeps you on a positive path. Please share with friends and family ! 

Life by Lois 

Inner Space: Positive Thinking Class 1

I have recently determined myself to embark on a positive thinking journey, because I have realised that it is so important to not let life just happen. Just letting things happen= becoming a victim of life, and as powerful beings and intelligent creations, none of us should play that role, especially not in our own life! I have chosen to own the power I have to consciously steer my mind and my life upwards, so I have begun a mission of enlightenment and I invite you to join as I share my experiences and what I learn.

Inner Space Covent Garden: Positive Thinking Course, Week 1 Review

Yesterday Anna & I proactively headed to Covent Garden to listen in on a positive thinking talk run by InnerSpace. Their classes are free & run by volunteers, who are passionate about creating a happier, fulfilled planet. You can check their classes here : http://www.innerspace.org.uk/event_category/courses-in-covent-garden/

I really enjoyed the class, and learned some worthwhile principals I simply must share:

The Garden.

Thoughts are seeds.

A good thought = good fruit
A bad thought= bad fruit.

A bad seed will not reap good positive fruits in your life and will lead to a negative mind.

Your mind is your garden. This makes you the gardener. 

It is important to realise and own the fact that YOU are in charge of your mind, your thoughts, emotions and how you feel. No one can make you plant a seed, ie you do not have to let someone else's negativity grow in your garden.

The Fence=  is your filter

Your mind is precious, and must be protected. Don't just let people chuck litter in your garden and then accept it. For example, someone can be negative to you, but it is up to you whether or not you choose to let that seed grow in your garden, or weed it out. It is up to you to tend to your mind. If you want a positive mindset and a positive mind you will have to work for it.

Analysing thoughts, ie. the seeds:

It is important to recognise the importance of your thoughts. Whether you believe in the law of attraction or spirituality, all agree that everything starts with a thought. The Law Of Attraction goes as far to say that "thoughts become things". Meaning negativity reaps negativity & positivity reaps positivity whilst spiritualists believe that thoughts become your mindset and can lead to a positive, healthy mind, or a negative unhealthy mind. In any case, it is important you evaluate your thoughts constantly.

Yesterday I learned that there are 4 kinds of thoughts.

Negative: things like envy, anger, hate, worry and jealousy
Positive: love, appreciation, gratefulness and happiness
Waste: non productive thoughts, mind wandering, planning things you don't need to worry about
Necessary: the thoughts you need to function.

The aim is to be mindful of what kind of thought you are having before you continue wandering down a path. It is also important to know that sometimes a good thought can lead to a bad one if you are not mindful of your thoughts.

For example:

"Wow she has beautiful hair" (appreciation) can become "I wish I had her hair" ( envy) "My hair sucks"- (self hate and not helpful)

I reasoned that a good practise is to measure each thought against gratefulness, as gratefulness is the root of happiness and the magic of the law of attraction. A negative thought is in essence ungrateful. In this state, good things do not happen.

Take Away Nugget

I have learnt that firstly it is crucially important that I acknowledge that I am in control of my emotions, my thoughts and my mood. This is how I can learn to be effect life instead of have it affect me. This means that I have power over my life, and you have power over yours. Powerlessness is a lie. Every time you take on someones negativity and let that seed grow, you are giving away your power and selling yourself short. So this week I want to challenge you with the same task they gave me :

Approach every circumstance and every thought  this week using SOS.

S= Stand Back
O= Observe
S= Steer

Stand back, away from the emotions of the moment, or craziness,
Observe the thoughts you are having where they are going, how they are shifting your mood.
Steer your mind into a more positive place, remembering that you are in control over YOUR life and YOUR mind.

I am going back to the class next Tuesday & look forward to sharing more. Anyone I can bring along with me on the journey to positivity I will :)

Have a fantastically powerful week.

You Can Have Him, But Do You Really Want Him?

Girl meets boy. Boy starts flirting with girl. Girl likes boy. Girl finds out that boy has a girlfriend. Girl is like WTF?

Sadly, its a tale as old as time scenario which I am sure we have all experienced, witnessed or advised on. You meet a guy who seems perfect, and what is even more perfect is he definitely likes you. Everything is going swimmingly until someone else, in some cases him, drops the bomb that he has a girlfriend. What is even weirder? His flirty behaviour and longing looks don't stop now the jig is up. If anything, they get stronger. Here you find yourself in a weird WTF twilight zone. 

I have witnessed so many friends go though this. Nice girls. Who have sat back so many times before and watched a ballsier girl get the guy, or had a ballsier girl in the same situation, steal theirs. After a while of nice girls finishing last, a few have asked me should they just mean up and take him. I mean, he obviously isn't happy, in many cases he may have even told them so. Maybe he just needs a helping hand. You are clearly what he wants and for once in your life its time you won something right? Wrong. He aint no prize honey.

Why? In this situation the ball is entirely in his court. Whilst I understand how he could meet someone else (you) he likes more than his current (shit happens) it is totally not OK to just pine emotionally for someone else (you) for too long without any action to rectify his home situation and move on. Men like this are weak. They do no favours to you, or his current girlfriend.

I mean, who the hell does he think he is? Has he even told his girlfriend that he is having second thoughts in the relationship, giving her a chance or a heads up? Or does he just think he is some kind of irresistible pimp that both you must want? I bet that if his girlfriend knew he wasn't 100% in, she could start winking back at a few men in her life too. But he is not giving her that benefit is he? No, because he likes holding all the cards. You're blind, she's blind, he's a pimp.

Personally, one of the worst things in the world for me is to be with a man who secretly wants someone else but is too chicken to tell me. You having second thoughts bruh? I like to know these things because if you don't want to be here, I don't want to keep you here. This isn't jail, and I am not your parole officer. So many times guys build it up in their head like they are doing their girlfriend a favour by sticking with her when they would rather move on, but in reality that is just boosting their ego. 

Anyway back to you. You don't want to get in on this messy BS. Dip you toe in and you will surely drown.  He is the one who needs to recognise his feelings and act accordingly. Like a man. He should sort out his relationship first and if it is worth salvaging- do that. If it is dead, he needs to end it- and then come for you. Otherwise he is just weak- someone who gazes at what they want without the courage to go get it. And do you really want a guy like that? Only for you to have him and then in a few years he starts pining for your friends, whilst in his head you are second best? No honey. To someone else you will be first. 

My advice, do nothing. Keep being nice (he may be sorting things out in the background) but DO NOT get involved. A relationship takes a lot of unpacking and there is enough to sort out between the two of them without you. You will only become collateral damage if he does sort it out with his girlfriend and if he leaves her due to your advances, you end up with a booby prize- a weak man, who can't act on what he wants.

That's my take on it anyway. Hope it was helpful :)

Any questions? Email me at info@lifebylois.com

Love,

Lois

Life By Lois

Reset Monday. Change your outlook, Change your life.

Although loathed the world over, one thing that can be said for Mondays, they offer the opportunity of a fresh start, and a renewed outlook on life.

I came across the following video last night and had to share. It is all about repositioning your outlook on life. As opposed to looking to take, you are looking to give. Give your talents, your time, your love and apply this outlook to every challenge and moment you engage in today.

For example, 

on the bus: give a smile: you are giving someone else the opportunity to smile.

at work: give 100%: you are giving your colleagues an opportunity to experience you at your best

with friends and family: give 100% attention: you are giving them the chance to truly connect with you.

The great thing about giving is you receive. It's a fact of life. As you approach the day, not from "what can I take?", rather "what can I give?", the day will open up for you, opportunities will make themselves available to you, and you will attract more giving like minded people.

You were made to give your greatness, and you have it in abundance. Today, share it.

Video: Michael Jr.  on Giving- I like Laughter

Marilyn Monroe, Oscar Wilde, Jesus, Oprah : How To Be Iconic

                             

"Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody." 

I recently came accross this quote on @itsdaver 's Instagram, and it really resonated with me. 

Since the dawn of time the magnetic & charismatic among men have been elevated to Kings, Queens, writers, artists and poets. Called to court and consulted on their thoughts and opinions. Loved, revered and followed. Think Oscar Wilde, Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou - even Jesus, these people have gone down in history and will be remembered for their raw magnetism. Yet what was it about them that made so many people agree that they were worth knowing, listening to, following and most importantly, remembering?

In our generation, more than ever we crave fame, public notariety and acceptance. Social media has done a good job of making us all quite self centred and has granted a few a cheap sense of fame. People are insta-famous for what's on the surface, and this has caused the word fame to have a bad connotation. However I think we can all agree that there was something special about the fame of the ages, something from the icons that we can all learn from. You may not want to be famous, but I'm sure you'd certainly like to be magnetic. Here is how. 

  

Being truly iconic must start from within and radiate out to all those you meet. It's an energy, it's a pleasantness, it's taking the time to be genuinely interested in others, not just because you think their important, just because you respect and care about them as a human being. 

It sounds pretty basic, but it is so essential. These days people think it's cool to throw a little shade to those they feel are below them, but this is emotionally immature and essentially basic behaviour. Smart people are nice to everyone, from the door man to the Pope. Does the sun discriminate on who it shines on? No. And don't we all love to bask in it's glow..? People need to feel special, loved & important. In this world where so many can feel anonymous, it's so rare to find someone genuinely interested, and engaging. Be the sun. Warm, radiating, life giving & most importantly, don't discriminate on who shine on.

Let your manner be warm to all you meet

Let your positive energy radiate externally to all who you come in contact with

Let your words breathe life and optimism into the lives of others. 

And then, truly you will earn your place in the hall of greats. It all starts from within. 

Love,

Life By Lois

Top 3 Monday Motivation Video's

How you doing this rainy Monday?  In case you need a little more than coffee to give you that fighting kick start this week, I have decided to share 3 of my favourite motivational videos to get you off to a good start this week.

The believe that the key to a positive and successful life is to monitor your emotions and stay in control of your mindset. If you are feeling crappy and down, that's totally ok, but you must catch it, and seek to fix it. When I feel "meh" I have to be so careful, because it doesn't take long for negativity to take a hold and change the course of the day. To steer myself in an upwards direction I find it helps to inject my mind with some positive affirmation, some go getter motivation and all around hearty food for your soul.  Today's feel good cooks featuring in my soul kitchen are Will Smith, Eric Thomas, JK Rolling, Oprah and Michelle Obama.

Chin up my lovelies, it's totally ok not to feel perky all the time, but the right words can change your outlook on life and it all gets better from there. Hope these helped, they certainly helped me.

Love, 

Life by Lois

1. Inspiration for Women

2. Dream

3. Will Smith Life Motivation 

#TBT: Revive your inner child

I used to find all the talk of following dreams a little bit frustrating, chiefly because whilst others seemed to immediately know exactly what they wanted to be, for me it was not always so clear. I suppose a gap year would have been useful to ‘figure things out’ or ‘find myself’ but unfortunately life needed immediate attending to, and so I shelved self discovery in favour of self survival.

It was not until recently that I decided to take a retrospective look inward. I realised that in order to go forward I needed to travel back and consult someone that I had hushed, silenced and abused... my inner child. 

The voice of my inner child was weak, but it was still there. It was her who had always known what I wanted and what kind of person I should be, but very early on I had silenced her voice. Every time I embraced reality and neglected my hopes, or accepted other peoples negativity as truth over my own, I had hushed that voice that could ultimately free me.

I recently read this story and it inspired me. Meet Cory Neives, the 10 year old CEO of Mr Cory's Cookies, a business he initially started to help fund his mum buy a car, and now is very successful. How amazing is that? Forget the odds, this kid gets it. I am so glad he got to stretch his dreams before the world told him they weren't practical.

Your inner child is so important, because it is you before the worlds reality kicked in (and the worlds reality is BS). It is you at your most optimistic, your bravest and your most creative. Ask children who they want to be now, and then ask them in 20 years who they are and for the majority of them it wont match up. Usually this is not because what they wanted has changed, rather it is because they took an easier path, gave up or gave in to circumstances. Yet if Oprah can go from dirt poor, black and born in the wrong era to be a woman, to a billionaire major influencer, anything is possible. Reality has it’s place, but so does dreaming. It is all about persistence.

If you have neglected your inner child, it is time to apologise to yourself and slowly embark on the road to self restoration. Life is all a matrix, in order to learn how to manipulate its structure, you must first understand your own.

Like I said before, you can have what ever you want if you can only find the strength to admit it to yourself. Give the kid inside a microphone.

Don't quit your day dream

It happens to the best and brightest of us, somewhere between graduation hopes and student loan reality, we settled down into a job that for a lot of us wasn't exactly what we pictured- but hey, it pays the bills.

Now I am not here to beat you up for paying the bills, even if it is in a job miles away from what your passion or dream was. What I am here to beat you up for is neglecting your day dream. There is nothing wrong with having a 9-5 or 5-9 that takes care of basics, the problem comes when the path that helps you survive not live  takes over your passion or your dreams.

Your 9-5 survival job should only be just that, for surviving. Do not place it above the time and thought and consideration you owe yourself & what you really want to do. Always keep that dream alive, it may be through a second job, a weekend project or even an online blog (like this one) but make sure you keep one foot in the dream.

Why? Because this is ultimately what will keep you going in the hard times, and motivate you to continue with the daily grind. You see in our society we all have it twisted.

We work so that we can survive. We give up our passions to save effort and focus on work. Our dreams then become replaced with material dreams and milestones, which we use to numb the fact that we gave up our true dreams and passions, and between 9-5 don't feel like we are living.  We buy things to make us feel like we are living the life, but really all these things do is temporarily fill a make shift hole that can only truly be fulfilled by living our purpose.

Don't get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with owning things, but this was never to be a substitute for owing your life. Do not get the symptoms of success (car, house, money) distract you from the cause of success (happiness, truly doing what you are good at). When you take care of your day dreams, the symptoms of success will follow in abundance AND you will be happy.

You were meant to be brilliant. Whatever your day dream was or is, re-ignite it. Dust it off and work on it. And it will grow. I promise you that. I know at first it will feel like a lot of work to maintain alongside the daily grind, but what you are really doing is keeping yourself alive.

The worst thing in life is the regret of paths not taken. Don't loose your dream building someone else's.

Monday Survival: Stop Judging Yourself.

If you are not quite where you want to be in life Sunday night and the Monday commute can be real moments of reckoning. As you prepare to jump back it to your routine it is so easy to get stressed out about your short comings, unfinished projects and all the things that you feel you should be doing, that you are not. The frustration between where you are and where you want to be can be so aggravating, that you actually internalise that nervous energy and start to beat yourself up with stress.

Whilst reflective honest review is good, you also have to be careful that this does not mean that you are beating up the one thing that you rely on to progress (you). Wherever you are in life, give yourself a break- you are trying your best. And if you haven't been trying your best, forgive yourself, and rest in the knowledge that this week you can change it all around.

This Monday I would like you to go easy on yourself. Give your self a pat on the back for all the things you are doing right. Are there things you would like to change? Sure, and we will get to how to set about these later in the week, but for today, give your self some credit. You survived Monday.

You awesome fighter you.

Life by Lois.

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