Life Hack : Overcoming Fear

If you're naturally an anxious person, there is no doubt that you have been told by well meaning peppy friends that the best way to overcome fear is to just "feel the fear and go for it" you know, do it anyway. This sounds great in principle, like an inspirational quote that should be written on a poster with panther, however in practice it's not so easy to silence your fears and positively push on.

My anxious friends, I feel you- there is certainly a scale of anxiety, and for those of you who are most severe, I strongly suggest seeking medical help, as severe anxiety is no joke, but for those moderates, I have come across a tactic that just might help you muster the courage and go for it.

The premise of this trick is inspired by Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now (a great book, must read). The central premise is, you are not your mind. Meaning there is a you that is infinitely powerful, and there is your mind. Your mind is full of worry, pain of past hurt and fear, it is the voice by which you evaluate situations. Eckhart encourages you to silence your mind and learn that sometimes it can be your biggest enemy.

Now it is difficult to silence your mind, some say its impossible, however after some consideration I decided that there is indeed some merit to separating your self (you at your best, who you were meant to be) from your weak, fretting mind. I decided to try something. To separate the thinking negative into one person in my mind (weakness) and develop another voice of strength. The voice of strength is focussed on what I want in life, and fed by my visualisations of a better life. The voice of weakness is that inevitable fearful voice, that gets in the way and usually psyches me out of doing what I need to do. Now that I had separated the two, negative thoughts could not run riot without being consciously checked. This is so important, as anyone with anxiety will know that left unchecked, one fearful thought will grow to a deafening riot. See your negative thoughts as bullies, bullies that given half the chance will have you living in fear, and never realising the life you were meant for. See your positive thoughts as your best friend, sticking up for you against the bullies and reminding you of why you're here, and that you can do it, pit the two against each other, and mindful of what you want out of life, ensure your best you wins!

I find this really helps me in situations where I feel fear getting the best of me and I hope it helps you too. I guess sometimes spilt personalities can be a good thing ;)

Inner Space: Positive Thinking Class 1

I have recently determined myself to embark on a positive thinking journey, because I have realised that it is so important to not let life just happen. Just letting things happen= becoming a victim of life, and as powerful beings and intelligent creations, none of us should play that role, especially not in our own life! I have chosen to own the power I have to consciously steer my mind and my life upwards, so I have begun a mission of enlightenment and I invite you to join as I share my experiences and what I learn.

Inner Space Covent Garden: Positive Thinking Course, Week 1 Review

Yesterday Anna & I proactively headed to Covent Garden to listen in on a positive thinking talk run by InnerSpace. Their classes are free & run by volunteers, who are passionate about creating a happier, fulfilled planet. You can check their classes here : http://www.innerspace.org.uk/event_category/courses-in-covent-garden/

I really enjoyed the class, and learned some worthwhile principals I simply must share:

The Garden.

Thoughts are seeds.

A good thought = good fruit
A bad thought= bad fruit.

A bad seed will not reap good positive fruits in your life and will lead to a negative mind.

Your mind is your garden. This makes you the gardener. 

It is important to realise and own the fact that YOU are in charge of your mind, your thoughts, emotions and how you feel. No one can make you plant a seed, ie you do not have to let someone else's negativity grow in your garden.

The Fence=  is your filter

Your mind is precious, and must be protected. Don't just let people chuck litter in your garden and then accept it. For example, someone can be negative to you, but it is up to you whether or not you choose to let that seed grow in your garden, or weed it out. It is up to you to tend to your mind. If you want a positive mindset and a positive mind you will have to work for it.

Analysing thoughts, ie. the seeds:

It is important to recognise the importance of your thoughts. Whether you believe in the law of attraction or spirituality, all agree that everything starts with a thought. The Law Of Attraction goes as far to say that "thoughts become things". Meaning negativity reaps negativity & positivity reaps positivity whilst spiritualists believe that thoughts become your mindset and can lead to a positive, healthy mind, or a negative unhealthy mind. In any case, it is important you evaluate your thoughts constantly.

Yesterday I learned that there are 4 kinds of thoughts.

Negative: things like envy, anger, hate, worry and jealousy
Positive: love, appreciation, gratefulness and happiness
Waste: non productive thoughts, mind wandering, planning things you don't need to worry about
Necessary: the thoughts you need to function.

The aim is to be mindful of what kind of thought you are having before you continue wandering down a path. It is also important to know that sometimes a good thought can lead to a bad one if you are not mindful of your thoughts.

For example:

"Wow she has beautiful hair" (appreciation) can become "I wish I had her hair" ( envy) "My hair sucks"- (self hate and not helpful)

I reasoned that a good practise is to measure each thought against gratefulness, as gratefulness is the root of happiness and the magic of the law of attraction. A negative thought is in essence ungrateful. In this state, good things do not happen.

Take Away Nugget

I have learnt that firstly it is crucially important that I acknowledge that I am in control of my emotions, my thoughts and my mood. This is how I can learn to be effect life instead of have it affect me. This means that I have power over my life, and you have power over yours. Powerlessness is a lie. Every time you take on someones negativity and let that seed grow, you are giving away your power and selling yourself short. So this week I want to challenge you with the same task they gave me :

Approach every circumstance and every thought  this week using SOS.

S= Stand Back
O= Observe
S= Steer

Stand back, away from the emotions of the moment, or craziness,
Observe the thoughts you are having where they are going, how they are shifting your mood.
Steer your mind into a more positive place, remembering that you are in control over YOUR life and YOUR mind.

I am going back to the class next Tuesday & look forward to sharing more. Anyone I can bring along with me on the journey to positivity I will :)

Have a fantastically powerful week.

Give Presence Lulu Lemon Campaign

Anything that can make me take a retrospective look within I welcome. These days with so many distractions and things to do, I honestly feel like I have emotional ADHD. And is it any wonder? With Facebook in your palm, and Instagram at the tip of your finger there is a whole world of things begging your attention and your emotional engagement. Stimulating headlines and convicting images, how can the simple intimate moments of just spending time with family and loved ones compete with the buzz of what's online.

 For me it has become drastic. I actually never switch off and as a result, never actually plug in. Today I came across this powerful video by LuLu Lemon, which compels us to give presence. It challenges us to show up, emotionally and spiritually in our engagements with friends and family. You only get one life that you can be sure of. Isn't it time you showed up for the thinks that matter? This is an especially powerful message for the holiday season. This Christmas instead of focusing on giving replaceable presents, why not give the irreplaceable gift of your presence? Share the message of love.

Link To Video & to Share

Lessons On Living Shamelessly

Ever wondered what life would be like if you were shameless? Not pointlessly shameless like Kardashians butt pick, but you were decidedly and unapologetically who you wanted to be with no apologies.

Too often, embarrassment, fear of rejection and the wounds of past failures pain hinder us taking the most of an opportunity and living in the now. Yet if we look back at it, more often than not it is not the actual incident that was so bad, it was the emotional pain, chastisement and fear that we attributed to ourselves.

The gift of hindsight truly is a wonderful thing, yet the downsides of death bead revelations, is that it is all too late. To that, I am going to attempt to save you some time with a quote.

"Everything you want lies the other side of your fear". Shame is a useless emotion, the only person you should worry about letting down is you. And the only thing truly hard to forgive yourself for is not the risks you took that didn't pay off, rather it's the risks you didn't take that could of.

So today, I say feel the fear and go for it. The only person you will truly let down if you don't is yourself.

Jennifer Lawrence, Jenifer Aniston and Solange: The benefits of beingunapologetically you.

As Jennifer Lawrence launches the new Hunger Games movie, Jenifer Aniston launches Horrible Bosses 2 and Solange Knowles gets married in a refreshingly  original wedding for the books, I have to sit back and admire what a wonderful month this has been for women who are unapologetically themselves. All of the women aforementioned have managed to stay refreshingly and authentically original, in an industry and media that piles on the pressure to conform.

Jennifer Lawrence 

                           

Let's start with Jennifer Lawrence, the irreverent  talented actress who stumbled at the Oscars, not once but twice. I love Jennifer for her unpredicable bursts, refusal to engage in bitchy woman bashing, outspoken nature and of course the fact she represents 5 charities. I have no doubt that this untameable shrew  would be a publicists worst nightmare, unpredicatable & candid, she certainly isn't just tits and smiles. And yet we love her. Because she reminds us we are all flawed, yet beautifully so.

Jenifer Aniston

                              

                       

And then there is Jen, who in a sea of being annoyingly compared to Angelina by the cruel and unimaginative media, still holds her head high and occasionally even makes light of the matter. Years after the original scandal, thousands of tabloid covers have been written- mocking, stabbing and biting at her- and you know what? No one has seen her break a sweat yet. 

Solange Knowles 

                             

Then we have Solange, who instead of linger in the shadow of her sister, chose to make her own sunshine and grow. I  read an annoying quote once, it went something like "always be yourself, unless you can be Beyonce, then always be Beyonce". What rubbish. No one can be Beyonce, except Beyonce ( and I am sure sometimes even she must struggle to meet the high standards of her public image). No one should try either, because each person has their own original magnificence to share. No one epitomises this more than Solange, who although being in prime position to take notes on copying Beyonce, chose to instead be herself. Afro and all, wedding and all, eclectic style, music and all. Solange I admire and salute you.

So my note today is be yourself. Always and with no exceptions. Don't you dare want to be anyone else. Because there is only one you, and when you perfect being you, the world will be blessed & so will you. 

Happy Tuesday y'all

Love 

Life by Lois

Reset Monday. Change your outlook, Change your life.

Although loathed the world over, one thing that can be said for Mondays, they offer the opportunity of a fresh start, and a renewed outlook on life.

I came across the following video last night and had to share. It is all about repositioning your outlook on life. As opposed to looking to take, you are looking to give. Give your talents, your time, your love and apply this outlook to every challenge and moment you engage in today.

For example, 

on the bus: give a smile: you are giving someone else the opportunity to smile.

at work: give 100%: you are giving your colleagues an opportunity to experience you at your best

with friends and family: give 100% attention: you are giving them the chance to truly connect with you.

The great thing about giving is you receive. It's a fact of life. As you approach the day, not from "what can I take?", rather "what can I give?", the day will open up for you, opportunities will make themselves available to you, and you will attract more giving like minded people.

You were made to give your greatness, and you have it in abundance. Today, share it.

Video: Michael Jr.  on Giving- I like Laughter

Learn to Say No

For women particularly simply saying no is something that is laden with guilt. We are taught that feminine role is one that is traditionally accommodating, long suffering and gracious.

From the Virgin Mary to my nana, I have grown up watching & learning about women who were martyrs, putting themselves last, 'yes ladies'. And it has completely affected my life. I am the poster child of a yes woman. Not wanting to let friends down, it is not uncommon for me to drop everything to get on board with anyone who asks. Time has shown me that this is not an ok, sustainable way to live. So I have started to practice saying no- and you know what- it's so liberating. 

I know it's so hard to say no. For the most part, it's a habit. It's a tough habit to break, but it's worth breaking. 

You see your yes should be precious, not something you simply give away to be polite. When approached with a proposition or a favour, seriously evaluate the benefits and risks, and if you haven't got the time, effort or energy just say no! 

How else can you possibly expect to be the boss of your own life if you ignore your better judgement to take up the tasks of others over your own priorities. 

This is your life and you are your main priority. Some people will just ask and ask until you have nothing left. It does not make you a bad person to say no. It makes you a conscious person. It's totally ok, look at Rosa Parks- one No can change the world. 

 This week I challenge you to say no. There is probably a bunch of things you say yes to on a daily basis you don't even notice. At work, with friends- at expense of your priorities. I'm not saying go nuts and be completely obtuse, just be mindful of your yes to no ratio. It doesn't make you a bitch, by saying no you are saying yes to yourself- and isn't it time you did that? 

Happy Sunday!

X

Morning Motivation: Lessons From Will Smith

It's Tuesday, and the fortunate of you will still be feeling fresh from the weekend, the other half however will be transfixed on the seemingly endless expanse of weekdays left before Friday. Whichever side of the glass half full camp you belong to, I thought it would be a good idea to share a motivational message I came across by none other than Will Smith.

For me, Will Smith is the picture of success. Not just because he is rich, talented and has a great family, a lot of it is because he is unapologetically himself, and comfortable in his own skin. He seems so sure, and focussed. Many people have good things, but how wonderful it would be to actually love your self and be happy when you get them. So what can we learn from Hollywoods leading man.

Lesson 1. Set your destination"You can have anything you want if you just decide"- Will Smith

What are you running to? Where are you trying to go? Without this being figured out, everything else in life can seem meaningless. Knowing your destination brings purpose to your life, happiness optimism and hope. You are not a piece of driftwood in the sea, you are in command of your own life. I don't care how big or ridiculous what you want is, decide what it is and set your compass in that direction. Do you think it made sense when Christopher Columbus set out to discover the new world? Or Armstrong the moon. Yet there you are in America, and there are men walking on the moon. There is a power to making a decision a destination and visualising the finish line. The universe responds and gets behind your wishes. So in the words of Will Smith "Just decide". Its the hardest part.

Lesson 2. Focus on building the wall brick by brick

Will Smith told a story about how when he was a child his father challenged he and his brother to build a huge wall. Obviously being children, they had never built a wall, and had no idea how to. When they asked their father how they could possibly build this wall, he responded 'brick by brick'. And so although it took forever, Will and his brother focussed on laying every brick perfectly. Instead of focussing on the huge challenge ahead and getting overwhelmed, they instead focussed on what they could control in the now- laying each brick to the best of their ability. It is the same with your life. If you look at where you want to be ultimately and compare it to where you are now it can seem so overwhelming, yet if you focus on doing today as good as you can, staying positive in every minute. Saying no to negativity and yes to hope, before you know it you will be one brick closer to building your dreams.

Lastly, be patient. It will take time but you will get there. Keep going.

Rise an Shine Beauties!

Yaay it's morning :)  Don't feel that way? Well grab some coffee and celebrate in the knowledge that you have the power today to change tomorrow. Oooh poweerr scarry, It needn't be, you can take baby steps , for example is there someone in your life who puts you down? Makes you doubt yourself? Takes but never gives? Today could be the day you stop letting them live in your head rent free and serve that eviction notice. Or maybe you're the one holding yourself back? Or maybe its a negative experience that you have been through- what ever it may be let today be the day you fight for yourself- because your worth it.

Just do the damn thing girl

Lois Says So!