Lessons On Living Shamelessly

Ever wondered what life would be like if you were shameless? Not pointlessly shameless like Kardashians butt pick, but you were decidedly and unapologetically who you wanted to be with no apologies.

Too often, embarrassment, fear of rejection and the wounds of past failures pain hinder us taking the most of an opportunity and living in the now. Yet if we look back at it, more often than not it is not the actual incident that was so bad, it was the emotional pain, chastisement and fear that we attributed to ourselves.

The gift of hindsight truly is a wonderful thing, yet the downsides of death bead revelations, is that it is all too late. To that, I am going to attempt to save you some time with a quote.

"Everything you want lies the other side of your fear". Shame is a useless emotion, the only person you should worry about letting down is you. And the only thing truly hard to forgive yourself for is not the risks you took that didn't pay off, rather it's the risks you didn't take that could of.

So today, I say feel the fear and go for it. The only person you will truly let down if you don't is yourself.

Learn to Say No

For women particularly simply saying no is something that is laden with guilt. We are taught that feminine role is one that is traditionally accommodating, long suffering and gracious.

From the Virgin Mary to my nana, I have grown up watching & learning about women who were martyrs, putting themselves last, 'yes ladies'. And it has completely affected my life. I am the poster child of a yes woman. Not wanting to let friends down, it is not uncommon for me to drop everything to get on board with anyone who asks. Time has shown me that this is not an ok, sustainable way to live. So I have started to practice saying no- and you know what- it's so liberating. 

I know it's so hard to say no. For the most part, it's a habit. It's a tough habit to break, but it's worth breaking. 

You see your yes should be precious, not something you simply give away to be polite. When approached with a proposition or a favour, seriously evaluate the benefits and risks, and if you haven't got the time, effort or energy just say no! 

How else can you possibly expect to be the boss of your own life if you ignore your better judgement to take up the tasks of others over your own priorities. 

This is your life and you are your main priority. Some people will just ask and ask until you have nothing left. It does not make you a bad person to say no. It makes you a conscious person. It's totally ok, look at Rosa Parks- one No can change the world. 

 This week I challenge you to say no. There is probably a bunch of things you say yes to on a daily basis you don't even notice. At work, with friends- at expense of your priorities. I'm not saying go nuts and be completely obtuse, just be mindful of your yes to no ratio. It doesn't make you a bitch, by saying no you are saying yes to yourself- and isn't it time you did that? 

Happy Sunday!

X

Marilyn Monroe, Oscar Wilde, Jesus, Oprah : How To Be Iconic

                             

"Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody." 

I recently came accross this quote on @itsdaver 's Instagram, and it really resonated with me. 

Since the dawn of time the magnetic & charismatic among men have been elevated to Kings, Queens, writers, artists and poets. Called to court and consulted on their thoughts and opinions. Loved, revered and followed. Think Oscar Wilde, Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou - even Jesus, these people have gone down in history and will be remembered for their raw magnetism. Yet what was it about them that made so many people agree that they were worth knowing, listening to, following and most importantly, remembering?

In our generation, more than ever we crave fame, public notariety and acceptance. Social media has done a good job of making us all quite self centred and has granted a few a cheap sense of fame. People are insta-famous for what's on the surface, and this has caused the word fame to have a bad connotation. However I think we can all agree that there was something special about the fame of the ages, something from the icons that we can all learn from. You may not want to be famous, but I'm sure you'd certainly like to be magnetic. Here is how. 

  

Being truly iconic must start from within and radiate out to all those you meet. It's an energy, it's a pleasantness, it's taking the time to be genuinely interested in others, not just because you think their important, just because you respect and care about them as a human being. 

It sounds pretty basic, but it is so essential. These days people think it's cool to throw a little shade to those they feel are below them, but this is emotionally immature and essentially basic behaviour. Smart people are nice to everyone, from the door man to the Pope. Does the sun discriminate on who it shines on? No. And don't we all love to bask in it's glow..? People need to feel special, loved & important. In this world where so many can feel anonymous, it's so rare to find someone genuinely interested, and engaging. Be the sun. Warm, radiating, life giving & most importantly, don't discriminate on who shine on.

Let your manner be warm to all you meet

Let your positive energy radiate externally to all who you come in contact with

Let your words breathe life and optimism into the lives of others. 

And then, truly you will earn your place in the hall of greats. It all starts from within. 

Love,

Life By Lois

Morning Motivation: Lessons From Will Smith

It's Tuesday, and the fortunate of you will still be feeling fresh from the weekend, the other half however will be transfixed on the seemingly endless expanse of weekdays left before Friday. Whichever side of the glass half full camp you belong to, I thought it would be a good idea to share a motivational message I came across by none other than Will Smith.

For me, Will Smith is the picture of success. Not just because he is rich, talented and has a great family, a lot of it is because he is unapologetically himself, and comfortable in his own skin. He seems so sure, and focussed. Many people have good things, but how wonderful it would be to actually love your self and be happy when you get them. So what can we learn from Hollywoods leading man.

Lesson 1. Set your destination"You can have anything you want if you just decide"- Will Smith

What are you running to? Where are you trying to go? Without this being figured out, everything else in life can seem meaningless. Knowing your destination brings purpose to your life, happiness optimism and hope. You are not a piece of driftwood in the sea, you are in command of your own life. I don't care how big or ridiculous what you want is, decide what it is and set your compass in that direction. Do you think it made sense when Christopher Columbus set out to discover the new world? Or Armstrong the moon. Yet there you are in America, and there are men walking on the moon. There is a power to making a decision a destination and visualising the finish line. The universe responds and gets behind your wishes. So in the words of Will Smith "Just decide". Its the hardest part.

Lesson 2. Focus on building the wall brick by brick

Will Smith told a story about how when he was a child his father challenged he and his brother to build a huge wall. Obviously being children, they had never built a wall, and had no idea how to. When they asked their father how they could possibly build this wall, he responded 'brick by brick'. And so although it took forever, Will and his brother focussed on laying every brick perfectly. Instead of focussing on the huge challenge ahead and getting overwhelmed, they instead focussed on what they could control in the now- laying each brick to the best of their ability. It is the same with your life. If you look at where you want to be ultimately and compare it to where you are now it can seem so overwhelming, yet if you focus on doing today as good as you can, staying positive in every minute. Saying no to negativity and yes to hope, before you know it you will be one brick closer to building your dreams.

Lastly, be patient. It will take time but you will get there. Keep going.

Why The Loner Is Actually The Coolest Kid In School.

In our society we are obsessed with being popular and being validated externally. We regard likes & follows as currency & accumulate them as proof of our worth, existence and value.We judge how pretty we feel we are based on how many likes a selfie gets, or how loved we are, based on how many people wish us happy birthday, or how successful we are, based on how many followers we have on Twitter.

 No longer is our sacred inner bank of self worth built on the gold standard of our own essence of self- rather we have traded that reliable matrix for a new, shoddy one. One that is rooted in whispers, and the public opinion of those who may not even know us. We entrust our intimate definition of self, to strangers, and in doing so we loose our strength.

The most accepted of society are the most vulnerable. Those who are pretty, and have always been told so, those who are gifted, and have been constantly praised. Those who have enjoyed and come to rely upon the sweet taste of external approval. Due to never having to generate their sense of worth internally, when they need to believe in themselves, they rely on others believing first, and so are always dependant on public opinion. It is a dangerous way to live. By cherishing the valuations of those external to us over our own, we devalue our opinion of ourself. It is time to break the cycle.

A lot of people ask me how I am so confident in myself, why I believe I am beautiful, and will say so. Why I believe I am smart, and tell myself. I will tell you why. When I was younger I was never the guys pick. I was never the prettiest, I was never the smartest in class. Others would receive praise from teachers, adults, peers, and I would wait my turn. My chance to be told I was beautiful, the cutest, the best and you know what? That pat on the head never came and so I had to switch the system. I was so done waiting for everyone else's approval I decided to sit in front of the mirror and give it to myself.

 I looked and I said, you know what? I think I am pretty. And I worked on improving the parts of me I felt needed working on. I sat down and started to spend time doing more of what I loved to do (writing) and I said to myself, I am pretty good at that too. I spent the time to get to know and to value myself and built an unshakable internal confidence. Your opinion of me? Is just that, YOUR opinion. Someone else's opinion of you? It's theirs, their problem. Constructive criticism has its place, but you must not allow sense of SELF to be formed and demolished based on others. Who are they anyway? Do they have to live with you? Are they going to get you where you need to be? No. Only you can do that, do don't let others break down your vehicle, in favour of their occasional lift.

Understand this- people make throw away comments all the time. Just look at internet trolls. The comments that you allow to rock your world? They wont loose a wink of sleep on. So honey, get some self respect and start to be the keeper of your worth.

It is time to be like the loner in school. That kid who has no friends and no one to tell them they are awesome, yet still comes in every day& fights on. Take time to tell yourself you are beautiful, that you are smart that you are worthy. Take time to believe it. Take time to enhance your strongest parts and improve on your weaknesses. Take time to believe in you and become the best you. Invest in yourself, study, grow. And lastly, my precious, don't you EVER allow another person to destroy your self worth again. You are valuable. You are the best you, you are unique. Trust and believe.

Any questions, comments or things you would like my advice on? Email info@lifebylois.com

Love,

Life by Lois








 We uphold those in society

Top 3 Monday Motivation Video's

How you doing this rainy Monday?  In case you need a little more than coffee to give you that fighting kick start this week, I have decided to share 3 of my favourite motivational videos to get you off to a good start this week.

The believe that the key to a positive and successful life is to monitor your emotions and stay in control of your mindset. If you are feeling crappy and down, that's totally ok, but you must catch it, and seek to fix it. When I feel "meh" I have to be so careful, because it doesn't take long for negativity to take a hold and change the course of the day. To steer myself in an upwards direction I find it helps to inject my mind with some positive affirmation, some go getter motivation and all around hearty food for your soul.  Today's feel good cooks featuring in my soul kitchen are Will Smith, Eric Thomas, JK Rolling, Oprah and Michelle Obama.

Chin up my lovelies, it's totally ok not to feel perky all the time, but the right words can change your outlook on life and it all gets better from there. Hope these helped, they certainly helped me.

Love, 

Life by Lois

1. Inspiration for Women

2. Dream

3. Will Smith Life Motivation 

The Bank of You: How to build inner confidence.

So how does one get as confident as hair flipping Beyonce, or as powerful as billionaire Oprah or as strong as Jennifer Anniston? (Who I think is one of the most commendable and classy women on the planet, who despite how the media tears into her, still keeps her head high).

How does one manage to build that unshakable confidence? Well for one, confidence is never unshakable, there will always come moments that have you questioning yourself- the difference with these people (and now with you) is that they will not last long- because they have a system and a mindset for managing their internal well being.

All the powerful women I admire Beyonce, Oprah and Victoria Beckham (yes, her, she went from a one of the spice girls and a footballers wife to an independent business powerhouse, recognised in her own right), all these woman have one thing in common- they see themselves as bigger than just a person- they treat themselves like a corporation.

The way our society is set up is that people are the little men and corporations call the shots. The banks and even the company you work for, has their contracts and agreements sewn up with you so that they are on the winning side. My point is it is time for individuals to start thinking the same.

This is where I introduce my concept of a bank. The Bank Of YOU.

Picture your self as a bank. Banks operate in their own interest. Here is how it works.

Basic principals:

Your Balance or capital:

Your balance is the most important thing and is made up of your time, energy and good feelings.
Any time you invest any of the above in someone else, you are investing for a return, of either time energy or good feelings.

Deposits:

Deposits are something anyone, including you can make. If you meet someone and they invest in you constantly, it may be worth opening an account with that person, where you too invest in them, under the understanding of mutual gain.

As banks invest their capital for their own benefit, so should you

Spend some time and energy investing in yourself, to generate good feelings. Feelings of confidence, feelings of self worth- which can be built up via meditation, time alone or gaining further skills. This will build up your balance further, and make you better prepared for rainy days. If you do not invest in yourself, ultimately your bank will not be viable.

Managing relationships.

Withdrawals: Withdrawals are things that people in your life may do, within the privilege of having a relationship with you. A withdrawal is any thing that consumes your time, energy or good feelings. You allow your friends to make these withdrawals, under the condition that they invest the same or more overall. For example, you may let your friend tell you all about their problems, and you may invest your energy in helping. However if it comes to the point where they withdraw far more than they have ever invested, the relationship makes no business sense and it is time to close their account. This is how you monitor your balance and ensure you do not crash. You cannot have emotional free-loaders.

Your friendships and relationships should work like a savings account, in which you invest a certain amount or your time, energy and good feelings over a length of time, and the friend or partner invests theirs. If someone is just gathering interest, and always withdrawing you need to move on from them.

Looking after the pennies

Far to often we hold on to the experiences that are negative on our emotional bank balance (being hurt or making mistakes) and we do not hold on to the good things that can boost our balance. They may just be little things, like someone saying your beautiful, talented funny or doing extra well at work one day, but they matter. And you need to be sure that you invest these good things to increase your balance and refer to whenever you are in self doubt.

Monitoring your balance

If you are particularly low in time, energy or good feelings- then do not invest them in others. Take time to rebuild your balance, so that you do not find yourself emotionally bankrupt. Keep your cup full so that negative things just slide off you, or so that you are emotionally prepared to deal with anything at all times.

Why is this principal so important?

The bank principal, enables you to keep in control of your emotional wellbeing, and ultimately builds confidence. It also helps you to keep a tab on who in your life is taking but not giving. This means that you will not be taken for granted as much, and find yourself emotionally bankrupt when you need to strong. By using this method of reasoning you will always ensure you have a minimum balance of what you need to continue. So as life happens you can always be ready. No one can take you down. You have invested in the bank of you.

One does not become confident by accident. It is a choice and it starts with conscientiously managing your relationships, your time and your energy. It is time to be the boss of your own life and steer your future to more happiness, fulfilment and inner peace.

You can do it! If you have any questions you would like me to answer, then please email me. info@lifebylois.com

Life By Lois